Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dracoxxxunholy's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Monday, May 12th, 2008
8:06 pm	2 Hearts Meet By Draco And Yelly Tha Unholy Been a long winding road we travel closer to eachother's arms my thoughts of you are heavy with hope and with love Keepin an open mind slashin all those who wish only harm and feeling like I'm finally alive cuz your soul fits mine like a glove I know I've found my true match in you only one thing left to do I rest easy in my daydreams of you and me And for eternity I hope you know I'll always stay true to you And I will always stay true to you too my Star, cuz we both know it was destined to be. You're my heartbeat, my moon hope you know you're my universe And you are in every single breath I breathe, I'll be ridin for my cutiebear til I lay dead in the back of a hearse and I will still be with you even when my heart doesnt beat. cuz youre my soulmate and my best friend, cant even think of life without you... Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 30th, 2008
4:34 am	Survey haha =^_^= What makes you feel like a kid again? Ninja Turtles.... and my crooked front teeth cuz my brother slammed my head into the bath's seat when we were little haha... What is your weakness? Porn and Food haha What candle scent is your favorite? meh... Unscented is best for me What is your nationality? Wish i knew, cuz I'm adopted... but I suppose my parents Are russian n jewish... haha if that helps.... What kind of music do you dislike most? I'd say a tie between crunk and country.... What sport do you dislike most? hmmm... I suppose I am an equal opprotunity hater of most competitive sports, completely uneccesarry, unless it's fighting... then I like it, cuz who doesn't like watchin ppl fuck ppl up? What is your favorite drink? Shirley Temples (Grenadine Mixed With Sprite) Can you cook? I'm decent with meat... and can cook up some cool recipes so I guess yeah... Do you go out with your friends often? Not really... I kinda like the idea of solitude and valuing time spent with friends so I don't frequently go out to chill so I don't get tired of the company I keep... What was your favorite toy as a kid? Being honest I fuckin loved the dollar store toys the most like the ninja warrior action figures were the fuckin shit to me... Whats your favorite movies? Clockwork Orange, Battle Royale, Natural Born Killers, The Rock.. Last time you were in trouble? haha, with the law, when I was a stupid ass kid, with my parents... fuck if I remember I was prolly drunk haha, which I dun do nemore so I choose not to remember those times... Whats your favorite sports team? meh, I guess if u call porn a sport... I'd say Belladonna, Alisha Klass and Allie Sin, and Heather Brooke, a fucking dream team indeed =^_^= What kind of phone do you have? Verizon LG EnV Have you ever been to a strip club? Unfortunately, haha got in free but just went in to use the toilet long mofukkin night indeed Whats in your CD player? it's a 3 cd changer... so The Black Rose by bloodshot, my homie's band Fruit Punch's cd, and I think one more cd, just dunno too lazy to check... Are your toenails painted? Nah.. haven't been since I was a younger me haha i think last time honestly was when I got my tonsils removed the nurses bitched at me cuz they wouldn't be able to check my circulation based on it What was your 1st alcoholic beverage? Probably Some Cheapass wine when I was a wee lad Do you a have crush on anyone? haha, yo mama bitch!! lolz I gotta gf... bite me Have you ever been on an airplane? of course... I ain't john madden bout that shit Whats in your shower? Soap.. shampoo.. 2 loofas... my toothbrush n toothpaste... Do you have an Ipod? fuck no.. I love CD's Mac or PC? PC. Are you getting along with your parents? decently I suppose Do you wear jewelry? yeshum First thing you think when you wake up? goddamn I hate sleeping.. Have you ever gone scuba diving? nah... I hate swimming.. shrinkage sucks... Whats on your feet right now? hair? haha Whats your dream car? 59 Caddilac Hearse Fully refurbished with a huge red inverse pentacle with my name Draco Tha Unholy decal on the hood, and a jet black paintjob and red and black interior leather seating, chrome baphomet rims that have a spinning 666 on em, and my lisence plate reading Draco666 When is the last time you kissed some one? hmmm last one was my gf, unless u count relatives I suppose... haha Whats your favorite smell? good food? Are you modest? deep down I can be... I suppose What cell phone carrier do you use? Verizon... goddamn hella love my phone.. Have you gone to a prom? 2.. Junior and Senior.. How do you take your coffee? None at all... I fuckin hate coffee... word to the wise IF you send me coffee as a gift I will send u back napalm flavored cupcakes =^_^= Do you care what others think about you? Fuck no, the world can eat shit n die if they dun like me Whats the last thing you ate? Bacon Cheesesteak with ketchup n mustard.. akwardly... haha Walmart or Target? Neither fuck em both... Do you kiss and tell? meh.. I guess soish Are you a good speller? usedta be at college level til I got into drugs... now I'm decentish Whats on your mousepad? I don't use one.. I gotta mini mouse for my laptop What taste is in your mouth? nothingness.. just drank a fuckload of water... What is your favorite snack? Cookies.... cuz they rule indeed... Is your hair curly or straight? I like Mine shaved.. thank you... Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Friday, March 28th, 2008
9:48 pm	New Poem "All I See Is Black" As I wake up another cold day gone by Black is all I see livin for tommorow is like livin to die Live for the day enjoy it while it lasts Fuck hating your future and relying only on the past I know where I stand whether ya'll understand or not This is where I wanna be gotta be eventually my graveplot Rotting from the inside somedays I wonder why I even try to laugh it off Fuck hating myself or complicating shit to make the end come soft Shit's been hard, gonna be cuz life is a fuckin battlefield Don't gotta weapon in hand dun pretend to wield I strike fake motha fuckas down like a bat to a baseball Leave your brain on the pavement laughin as you fall Pick it up rewind that shit again til I die of laughter Life's a bitch somedays like a natural disaster Can't fixate on the negativity cuz then I get depressed Can't complain cuz I dun want the world to know when I'm stressed I hate to say it but this is who the fuck I am If you don't like it take a picture of me it'll last longer man Doing this for me is as easy as taking a deep breath only to exhale I can't do this shit wrong cuz in poetry there ain't any way to fail Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
8:20 pm	New Poem "Fading Away" Sitting here wonderin where I'ma be tommorow Fuck it if I'm meant to live a life of sorrow What the fuck can I really do though? Same shit different day different clothes Wake up feelin like I'm in the psych ward again Bound to be hateful forever just a wandering pagan I know this is my fate but it hurts all the same Wakin up feelin lame writin shit as I feel insane But what the fuck can I do when all I feel is pain? Only thing that makes me feel alive is my rage Truth of the world is lies to me I stay cryin in the rain Soothing shit is in another chapter can't skip a page Smooth it over leave it behind fade it away But I'll never be the man I was yesterday... Subtract the depression add happiness it won't be me It'll be a distorted photograph of what I usedta be Captured in time my soul is tainted life ain't easy Sittin alone at home on weekends feelin cheesy In the dark you can't see me in solitude Tryin to find an answer while I eat my food I think back to a time I usedta drink vodka and reminisce And feel like a fuckin bitch cryin over stupid shit Smokin a cigarette wonderin if I'd live to see age 18 I'm 21 and sober and clean but still what the fuck does that mean? If I still feel unhappy? Still depressed memories still repressed I sure as fuck ain't a saint but I must confess This ain't how I imagined myself layin on the floor in a fetal position While everyone laughed at me in school fuck all those stupid bitches Usedta paint my face not cuz I'ma juggalo cuz I hated my reflection Wanted to tear my skin off and wished this shit was a work of fiction Depression is my addiction I get my fix every day pissed my happiness away So I could sit here wonderin if I've lived my life or I've just been played My feeling like a pawn like I'm meant to be alone on my own Chilling me to the bone I feel it fuckin diggin it's claws into me The reaper is callin me but I refuse to answer my phone Death is inevitable but right now it ain't my scene and see This all is just 2 sides to one face seen with my 3rd eye While one part of me has already died in hell I'll fry But I see it comin like it was a mushroom cloud in the distance Waitin to annihilate me and everything I've built in existence I close my eyes and hope I can sleep it off through the night And wake up on a day where I don't have to fucking fight Maybe everybody who hated me was right I was born to drown in my tears And give into my fears wondering why the fuck I'm stil here The memories of misery is the opprotunity lyrically of a lifetime But this shit is the fucking price I've paid to write a tight rhyme Engulfed in fire my shit has made people cry on delivery But this is my life on paper ain't pretty but it's stayed shitty So when I have a day worth writin somethin nice maybe I will But I'll be damned if I fake that shit pretendin I'm fulfilled I could have a million dollars but it wouldn't be enough to buy these feelings away The experiences that have made me this way will follow me to my dying day until I fade.. Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:11 am	I'm OVER Drama.... well, I know prolly by now that sounds fuckin lame cuz most of the fights I've CHOSEN to participate in, but I'm startin to lose the fight in me and honestly I ain't fuckin listenin to anyone's stupid bullshit nemore, I don't give a flyin fuck who hates who or who's beefin, IF I happen to hate the person, and the person is too much of a pussy to say shit to my face, then fuck em, they're bitch niggaz to me, and the clique they chill with are bitch niggaz too, and all the same all the sucka ass bitch ass punkass trifflin fuckheads who have dicked me over to build me into this overly hateful person, you know what? THANK YOU for giving me a reason to laugh at you when I see you walk by in public and not say nothin to me when you walk with ya tail between ya legs like a fucking bitch, all the same, I'm over ya'll fools, but I'll be damned if you try fuckin with my peeps and that's probably the only reason I still fuckin shove my foot up ya ass when I see you spittin game, cuz E-Game ain't shit to me, I talk this way on here and I will say it to your fucking faces all the same, YOU SUCK, all the same, I dun needta soil anyone's name further, and I've proven myself as a superior mofukka by burying you faggots karmatically in a pile of your own bile coated vomit, and I'll let that set in before the worms come crawlin in and out of you idiots, as for me, I dun need a sideline to hate on ya'll at, I dun need to talk madd shit to my pplz bout u to "convince them you're a shitty person" you dun gone fucked urself up enuff to blind yourself of your own ignorance.... so to all ya'll whinin sayin I "ruin your friendships" or talk too much shit... ain't the shit I talk that's your issue, cuz there are a fuckload more who say what I say and think what I think, but they won't bring it to your face cuz you ain't shit to them enuff to give you a face to face courtesy confrontation... So no more E-Drama for me....... ANY mofukkaz who hate me.... KEEP HATIN... You're just confirming my origional assesment of you... PEACE....-Draco Tha Unholy P.S. To all my true friends.. Thank You for stayin true to me and stickin by me... Current Mood: bored (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 29th, 2008
5:03 am	New Poem "Edicius Theory" Loving arms encomber me lead me through the shadows Show me what it's like to truly become hollow Soulessness is only six hundred sixty six steps away I've turned my path to the left said fuck yesterday Today is a new day but feels so old An apparition watches over me my skin goes cold I remember the days of past and leave them there But somedays I wonder why I still care Why I hold onto these images of darkness Hyperfocus in on feelings of heartlessness I feel distant and cold numb but so warm on the outside lookin in Bathing in the hate of years gone by anti-hero of my own sin I punish those who hurt me by making them ghosts My life is a gameshow and I will remain the host No one wins no one loses we just keep a move on Until the day that we're all inevitably gone Never questioning why we do the shit we do Is what gets us in too deep becoming the churches food They eat our souls recycle our minds spit it out Edicius is suicide reversal dare to be devout? Live a zombie life preach a dawn of re-animated life Tell those lies cut at others throats with your holy knife Preaching to me is a death sentence waitin to evolve I'm the only puzzle no one will ever fucking solve Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
5:00 am	Bored... Kinda SHITTYYYY shit, It's been a long ass week lotsa arguin and to top it off got the flu, so I am just overall encombered with shittyness, I feel like hiding in my fuckin closet yo, and just unpluggin my house phone and turnin off my cellphone and findin a nice corner of my closet to die in, so fuckin sick of this shit really, I feel so low lately, I can't help it tho, shit gets to me too easily, wish I could be completely numb like I was when I was prescribed on clonapin or rispridol, where I could yell my ass off and blame it on the fuckin meds, but I can't cuz I ain't on any and ain't gonna go on any of them cuz they ALL make me fuckin crazier, and I know I'm past the point of no return really, so I'ma keep my head up for now and try to tough through all this nasty grimey bullshit, if not, there's always that corner in my closet to lock myself in and die in, allz I know is life ain't been too good to me lately, should start playin lottery again, maybe I'll get lucky next time....and maybe I'll become an heir to a mass fortune and island.... haha..... Fuckin didn't even laugh to that one myself.. I suck...-Draco Current Mood: bitchy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
9:45 pm	New Poem/Song "Mind Numbing Absence" Plant a seed so the world can grow Tell the truth they say it's old Give em lies they bow at your feet Late for lunch? you'll have a saved seat Takin for granted for the final hour Life's full of rain I live in a shower Deliver me for I'm baptised in blasphemy? Who the fuck do I really need to please? Slithering to the top the serpants wrath Tell the truth through your teeth make them laugh Keep it real they stay fake Waiting for your next mistake I'm on the outside looking in laughin as the cars go by Cuz I know up until these points I've existed to feel alive When at the end of the day I'm born to die And all this will fade away like a deep sigh I'll wake up same mess different cleaner on the floor Feeling the same constant numbness eating away at my core Life is one big merry go round and I fell off I'm in my own world now and it sure as fuck ain't soft Call me psychotic to heal your own wounds that always bleed On my emotional response the leeches shall feed Put on your mask for that oh so holy masquerade But just remember I'll never be afraid of what I've made Current Mood: blah (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 9th, 2008
4:23 am	Calm Before The Storm OR Genuinely Good Day? man, today has been overall a fuckin great day, can't complain about a single moment of it, and usually I have at least an 1/8 of a fucked up day, but not today, and it feels kinda niceish, meh, kinda in a reflective mood tonight, prolly could write a decent poem right about now so off the top of my head I'ma just write whatever the fuck is runnin through my head starting now.... Life is one long road a rainbow with no gold on the other side I keep it fuckin real when regular cats let shit slide I'ma creature of habit I'll be this way til I die So when others go to run and hide I'll always be that fuckin guy who stands tall With a baseball bat in my hand screamin fuck you all I've been there through shit standin seen plenty fall Missed plenty of opprotunities like missed phonecalls Impending doom is my motivation to keep pressin on So when you think all your fuckin hope is long gone Day after day for ya'll it's just one fuckin sad song So take that razor and cut yourself all night long Love is in the eye of the beholder truth is too Make of it what you will but remember that's on you One person's lies are another person's reason to be true You only got one chance on this earth so whatchu wanna do? Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 4th, 2008
9:55 pm	Pissed For Not Realizing This Sooner.... I gotta get my ass together F'realz, and pass this permit test tommorow so I can get a job as far as humanly possible from here so I don't tear the hair right outta my head everytime some retarded shit happens I unno, I just am gettin cabin fever and I was like 2 clicks away from punchin my wall like I usedta, I swear the dumbest shit fuckin annoys me, like I was watchin my movie, and my dad asked me in the beggining how long it'd be and I of course don't fucking know cuz it's a movie I rented and yeah... you don't go reading the back to see how long it runs for, so I was frustrated cuz I knew he'd be back and I knew before he even said anything cuz I heard him comin down the stairs and in the kitchen what he was gonna fuckin ask, shit annoys me, I guess it's better than when he comes and sits down next to me outta the fuckin blue and watches whatever I am at the time, that shit is what pisses me off the most, no sense whatsoever of boundaries and shit, opens my door when I don't say something back to him when my door is closed, if my door is closed it is closed for a fucking reason, not to be opened by anybody else and I don't give a fuck if it's Aliester Crowley or Anton LaVey or my best friend or even girlfriend on the other side of the door, knock before you enter, if you get no answer don't fucking barge in.... simple as that, I leave my door open enter at will.... is that really so fucking hard to grasp as a concept? Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
12:35 am	New Poem "The Way It Goes" Wakin up no shirt no pants just bare to the bone Tell ya tha truth my only fear in this life is dyin alone Add me up I'm an equation only solvable in the hands of time Expressin myself with this shit hopin it'll fuckin rhyme Hell somedays it feels hopeless but I can't stop my grind Cuz tha only day I will is tha day tha fire inside dies And the day that shit happens I'll be dearly departed Neva outwitted only spiteful never feelin outsmarted Gotta one up on these fools who say fuck me And only see red if they see me on tha streets You dunno me you think you do but deep down Ya'll will still only be part of tha fuckin crowd Single file please when you line up at my door Holdin picket signs sayin you don't like me anymore I count 1 head 2 heads and 50 more over tha hill Why should I give a fuck when none of ya'll will? My thoughts exactly explain to me why should I care? Why should I feel helpless why don't I feel scared? Only cold and empty somedays ready to die Inevitability of my creativity tears of it when I cry Numbness truth where you insert your fuckin lies And still wanna look me in tha eyes when you tell me you wanna cut ties? Well fuck that fuck ya explanation Control Alt Delete you Restart my life when I said fuck you too Ghosted where all of you stay never at arms length am I? So who'll be there when you fall I'll laugh til I cry Wanna call me vicious psycho sociopathic that's fine But I ain't always been this way and I won't whine I kept most inside shit ya'll won't know Cuz the shit you won't I'll refuse to show Wanna play dirty I stay clean forever sharp like a diamond blade You faggots front like cuz ya'll find god you're suddenly saved Safety from my mentallity ain't found in books or god Ain't captured in bullshit or your daily thoughts I'ma figment of your wildest imagination associating me is a mistake Cuz' anyone who comes afta me when they see this I dub thee FAKE Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Monday, January 28th, 2008
7:44 pm	For You How far does a man hafta walk to prove he's a man? How many times does he hafta have his heart broken to understand? The truth is in your eyes when I hold you closely to me When I wake up with you in my arms happy as can be Your smile is genuine true and never holds spite I promise you from this day forward we won't hafta fight Cuz' we've come this far, and still stand strong And proven all those who said we wouldn't last wrong You're my moon, my breathing when I'm left breathless Your embrace helps me get through bad times when I usually give a fuck less Truely you are mine for life You'll be by my side til I die And I'll always love you without limits infinite so please don't cry I'll be back soon, you're my everything I hope you know Everytime I think of you I start to glow You're the only one who will ever understand me deeper My heart has a key and you're the door keeper Current Mood: artistic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:27 am	My Trip 2 Cali Well, I am on my flight back from cali as I write this, so I got plenty of time to revise this shit, so the beginning of my trip was amazingly exciting, getting off that plane in sacramento was such an amazing feeling, I was the first to tell Danielle I love her face to face after I met her at the bottom of the stairs, and from that point on in was all awesome as can be, we went back to my hotel and checked in, and for our first couple days pretty much just hung out there besides getting meals, and then on one of our days we went to this awesome restaraunt called nationwide frozen meats, AMAZING burgers, and they make thier own ketchup, and then on saturday I went to work with Danielle, and her nephew and sister came through and so me and her nephew played games on my computer for a bit, and then me and her went back to the hotel after shopping a bit, I got a baphomet ring and matching pendant, and so that next night we went to the drive in movies, I had never been to one before, so it was amazing to me, saw that movie Untraceable, and then we went back to the hotel and had a very emotional and bittersweet night/next morning, because we both knew what tommorow would bring, so Danielle wrote me a poem and a letter in my book of shadows/journal, and I gave her the baphomet pendant I bought so the morning star could watch over her as he does me, and then she dropped me off at the airport, I got on the plane to phoenix, and missed my plane to philly from there so I hadta wait on a plane to Los Angeles, for a direct redeye to philly, life's a bitch somedays and often in ironic ways, but overall I gotta say my only regret is leaving Sacramento, I can't wait til I got enough cash saved to share a place with Danielle, and I love her very very much, the time I spent with her these past days has been absolutely priceless and I had the best time of my life just being in her presence.... I know she's the one, and I'm glad I took the time to get to know her as I have, she's my moon, my soulmate, and my best friend in this insane world, the most valued treasure in my whole world and I would never trade her for anyone or thing.... Life can sometimes throw me some good things I suppose, finally I gotta keeper..-Draco Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
7:42 pm	Life As Of Today.... My life has been a lotta fucked up shit built up to help me figure out what I really want and need in my life and I've finally come to the point in my life where it is time to use that negative energy redirected, on wednesday I'm goin out to cali to see my girlfriend finally, it's been 8 wonderful months and I am fuckin happy as hell to finally get to see her, only 4 days n nights but it's better than nothin =^_^= this will be an afuckinmazing time I downloaded clockwork orange, natural born killers, and battle royale to watch with my girflriend, should be fun watchin my fav movies with her and overall sharing time with her, I'm fuckin psyched and I know everyone who cares bout me is too, I'ma prolly call my homie fire on that saturday to chill @ the local mall for lunch while my gf works =^_^= and eat like the piglet I am at the fine dining establishments, kazam!!! Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
7:34 pm	New Poem No More Sad Songs No more sad songs No more staying in the dark No more lonely nights No more pain inside No more hate No more lies My life is filled to the brim Luckily I stand at 2 feet Some fucks think grim I won't accept defeat I gotta complex inside That doesn't let me fail When others hide I'm at your door unleashing hell You hate me for being different well fuck you too The only reason you really hate me Is cuz' I'm the altered mirror image of you So dust off your shoulders you may see No more the stupidity No more listening No more friendship No more shoulder to cry No more dumb shit I don't care whether you live or die I'm through with bein nice truth is and deep down No more sad songs only ones on were with ya'll around So with a new year comes new ghosts fully aware All dumb fucks dead to me always runnin scared No more self righteous aghenda No more selfish outlook on life No more pain from you I've moved on with mine Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 23rd, 2007
6:26 pm	New Poem/Song "My Skin Goes Numb" My skin goes numb as I look up to the sky Knowin a part of me has died inside That part of me is gone no drama for me anymore I ain't a kid fuck attention whores I love my life no need to hide behind a mask I know what I want and dun needta ask Blast any mofukka that's the man I was yesterday But I've learned to take the high road and walk away Ask anyone and they'll say Draco dun give a fuck It's tha damn truth talk shit you're outta luck Cuz' I dun give courtesy blogs or calls I won't fightchu or whoop ya ass at tha mall Ghostin is what I do to me hataz dun exist Fuck a shit talkin tric with only a hateful wish I ain't in this game for the fame contrary to popular belief I'm here to do whatever whenever shit's a relief So give grief I won't sit back and respond or acknowledge you're real Cuz' I do this shit based solely on how the fuck I feel You hate me fine do it on ya own time dude Excuse me mofukka I'ma chill and watch a movie and eat my food I ain't got time for kiddy games no more 08 is the year of Tha Unholy Rap a bitch under tha table block fools like a mofukkin goalie Toxic ass bitches ya'll best run for tha hills when you see me Cuz I ain't havin that shit round my ass homie But I leave it at this, fuck a glock fuck ya fists I'll ignore a bitch til they slit they're own wrists Connect tha dots and I think you'll see my middle finger Cuz ya'll be singin lost love songs like an R&B Singer Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
12:15 am	Depression....FUCK!!!! Just been gettin thru a lotta my filed repressed memories lately, for the past year and a half I've made it my crusade to get my shit leftover outta my head and create the best work I've done possible, lately I've realized I can't step out my front door without remembering some really fucked up shit, and somedays I take it harder than others, sometimes I just wake up in a bad mood, but the worst is when I feel like I did on my meds, alienated kinda just a constant numb thoughtless racing feeling, I don't get it as much as I used to, but when it comes it hurts, cuz I know I've done better for myself than when I was on my meds and seein my shrink, but I've realized it isn't just mental for me anymore, it's the physical reminder of everywhere around this town I see places terrible shit happened to me, or see people who have burnt me in the past, and in all honesty it ain't healthy for me to see these types of people as often as I do, so many uncrossable T's and undottable I's when it comes to these assholes, it just ain't worth tryin to put our differences in the past or even bother with trying to chill with them, but it's hard a fuck for me not to wanna kick thier ass sometimes, especially the ones that jumped my friend, or the ones that would always deal me dirty on the drug market, I swear if I wasn't so well planned out for my life I woulda prolly left them sum scars, but I'm too grown for that shit now. I gotta get my ass together and stop feelin like this, I need a vacation desperately, just anywhere but here in all honesty, it gets harder for me to cope sometimes especially when I am walking around my neighborhood, I just keep to myself cuz I know I have no one I should be speaking to because I don't respect my area I live in or pretty much anyone who lives here, the white kids become racists against the jews, the jews become racist against the blacks and then everyone fights, it's fucking stupid, and completely unnecessary cuz I'm not like any of them, I don't deal drugs, or roll with a clique just to get some fuckin food at wawa, or have a billion shallow friends that'd never stand up for me, I have no reason to stay here besides the point I have no true means of financial ends to get the fuck out, I often ponder if I did would I leave as soon as I could, or would I first say goodbye to everyone who at least made an effort to make me happy, sometimes I wonder if I did tell people I was leaving who the fuck would really care? If they were working the day I was leaving would they even take off just to see me off or have a going away party with me? or would they just send me a nice card in the mail when I get there and send them my adress, or would they even do that? sometimes I think I'm so alone in this world that my only cure for my hatred is to curl up in a ball and unplug anything electronic in sight, I have no real reason why this cyber obsession is so prominate in my daily life, why the fuck I'm even typing all this shit when I could just read a fuckin book, or draw something on paper, sometimes I think I'm too old at heart when it comes to values, and expect too much from the world around me and myself.... but at the end of the day... I'm still here and I'm still virtually fucked in my own wierd mix of depression, anxiety and attempted happiness, constantly yearning for an answer, of why?....That's all-Draco Tha Unholy Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 3rd, 2007
11:28 pm	The Month Of My Birth Is Upon Me.... Well, my birthday is November 26th shit's kinda scary 21st birthday, shit if you woulda told me when I was 16 that I'd be livin to see my 21st birthday I prolly woulda punched you in the face and spit on you and grabbed a cigarette, lit it and burnt your arm with it then walked away, I've come a long ass way from my adolescent years and figured out I ain't fuckin with degenerate petty bullshit anymore, I ain't got time to be a dumbass nemore and I sure as fuck ain't got the means to bail myself outta jail like be4, so I have come to the conclusion I'ma start cleanin house on sum of these fuckin idiots str8 out and forward, no more mr. nice draco, I can't be lettin mofukkaz bring me back to my ugly place where I start to feel myself slippin, I gotta wonderful gf, and the most reliable group of friends I could ask for, just gotta cut sum of the not so reliable pplz out cuz it ain't doin me any good to keep em around, plus I have promised myself I'ma get my lisence this year and move by next year to cali, so I gotta get myself more composed than I have before.... Life is a journey, and I can't let anyone cept me make my path for me, I got one life to live, might as well live it contently on my own terms-Draco Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
10:35 pm	MY Bubble Well, for all you familliar with the term "personal space" you'll get a fuckin kick outta this one my parents know nothing about it, especially my dad, so get this every fucking night he comes by to say goodnight even tho he knows I'm on the phone and doesn't go away til I answer back, everytime he comes home calls out for me and doesn't stop til I answer back and usually I am on the phone, I was tryin to eat dinner tonight and watch tv, he asks if he can watch tv in the room I am, supposedly the couch is better to sit on for him, my bad it's the only room with a table, so I furiously walked the fuck outta the room up to mine, yesterday leaves me cds to download and burn for him, I'm just getting really fed up cuz I know they'll use the trips they put me on as excuses for not giving me birthday or hannukah presents, and I'll just have another 50 dollar bill waiting for me unless my fuckin relatives are feelin generous, hell, knowin my luck I won't even be able to enjoy my time at hooters with my friends this year my 21st birthday, shit they'll prolly wanna go to the shore or sum other shit, I've told my parents already october 27th is my show, and they have to look after thier friends kid, and since they're goin to the shore that means I have to, so yeah, I do sleep til fuckin 4 in the afternoon, and yeah this is their house yes I have no job, but seriously what the fuck?! I am just gettin aggravated cuz they know nothing about staying outta my way, and I can bet 20 bucks they'll come barging in here wanting to talk and then guilt trip me, I'll punch my wall, walk out, and they'll follow and call me 10 minutes later asking me where I am, and then they'll take me to wawa and buy me something to eat and it'll seem all honky dory to them, fuck it, I am not gonna die in this little closed minded town, I'd rather put a bullet in my brain than deal with 20 more years of this bullshit, I'm through tryin to be the nice son, I gotta get the fuck outta this place before I lose my cool anymore Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 18th, 2007
6:37 pm	Life In General.... Life in general seems to be slowly but surely becoming a lot more bearable, I been havin better days, more full ones chillen with pplz I know got my back, it makes me feel a lot more at home in my mind cuz I've re-learned how to multi-grind on my shit, like write, call pplz, watch movies, chill with my homies, call my girlfriend and tell her what's on my mind more clearly, life seems to be lookin up for me, and I'm so glad I ain't gonna spend my birthday alone this year, that alone is an improvement for me, hell, even if just 1 friend shows up, I'll be happy as fuck, but I dun really expect presents in all honesty anymore, I'll feel special if I even get a check or sum extra cash from my parents or relatives, just some good pplz to spend my birthday with would mean so fuckin much to me, I guess I'ma sucker for sentimental moments, but not havin any friends round for my birthday for bout 2 or 3 years now ain't done much for my confidence in myself, so I suppose just bein happy on my birthday is my only wish, all in all tho can't complain, personally I'm doin just fine, hopefully this keeps up and doesn't stop for a while-Draco Tha Unholy Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)